Living Picture Narrative
In early December, the red curtains rose and the stage lights shined. The familiar music from The Nutcracker started playing; the show was about to begin. I was ten years old, and I played the role of a party girl for my second Nutcracker performance. I danced with the other girls, then sat down to watch the party. The beautiful Clara entered from the left with a bright smile, excited to celebrate Christmas. She was confident and danced gracefully along with her friends. Uncle Drosselmeyer gifted her with a beloved Nutcracker doll. As she took it from his hands, her eyes sparkled. From the side of the stage, I watched this moment and I was amazed. I noticed her passion as she danced. She seemed to pour her heart out and really take on her role as Clara.
Inspired, I told all my friends how I felt. I noticed how Clara seemed to execute each step perfectly without any hesitation. Though the choreography was the same every year, she was able to add her own style with her emotions. And on top of that, she was full of grace and light. She was a role model for every young dancer. This was the moment I fell in love with dancing too. I wanted to be just like her.
Inspired, I told all my friends how I felt. I noticed how Clara seemed to execute each step perfectly without any hesitation. Though the choreography was the same every year, she was able to add her own style with her emotions. And on top of that, she was full of grace and light. She was a role model for every young dancer. This was the moment I fell in love with dancing too. I wanted to be just like her.
Holding the skirt of my flowy purple dress, I am ready to dance the night away in Ballet Petit’s production of The Nutcracker.
I started ballet when I was nine years old, which is a little late for most dancers. Since most girls start when they are five, I was one of the tallest and oldest girls in the beginning level. It was a little awkward at first. There was all this new terminology that I have never heard before. The teacher would say words like “plié, relevé, tendu, degagé.” I remember being so confused; these words weren’t even in English! It was embarrassing enough being the new girl who was older than everyone, and now I was also clueless. It was such a shock to me, I didn’t know what to do. Because I was so nervous, I stood in the back of the room and followed the other girls.
I didn’t want to have to follow along forever, so I decided I needed to learn what these words meant. I asked my dad to take me to the library one day and I checked out a few ballet books. Each page had a term with a description and picture that I tried to replicate on my own. On top of that, I had a ballet dictionary app on my iPod Touch and watched a lot of YouTube videos. After a couple of weeks, I started to get the hang of it.
I didn’t want to have to follow along forever, so I decided I needed to learn what these words meant. I asked my dad to take me to the library one day and I checked out a few ballet books. Each page had a term with a description and picture that I tried to replicate on my own. On top of that, I had a ballet dictionary app on my iPod Touch and watched a lot of YouTube videos. After a couple of weeks, I started to get the hang of it.
But of course, you can’t just “get” ballet over a couple of weeks. It takes dedication, time, and loads of training. I initially only had class once a week, but I wanted to improve and be able to keep up with the other girls. The next semester, I asked my mom to sign me up for two classes per week. Over the years, I was at the studio for three days, four days, then five days, and at some points, I was dancing six days a week.
Dancing almost every day accelerated my improvement. Ballet is extremely technical, as specific movements of your feet are accompanied by a certain position of the arm and placement of the head. At first, I always had trouble figuring out where to look or where to place my arms. But the consistent training allowed my body to develop muscle memory. I no longer had to think extensively about what my arms and head were doing. They just moved with my legs and everything started to feel natural. Now that dancing felt like second nature, I became more confident and even started to stand in the front of class!
Three years later, I received exciting news. I was promoted to be en pointe! This means that I was ready to switch out my flexible, canvas flat shoes for the coveted satin, solid pointe shoes. This is a huge milestone for every dancer, as it signifies the transition from a “little girl” to a “big girl”. To be en pointe, a dancer needs to have strong ankles and precise technique. I was so proud that my teachers thought I was ready. This promotion boosted my confidence and made me want to try harder every day.
Dancing almost every day accelerated my improvement. Ballet is extremely technical, as specific movements of your feet are accompanied by a certain position of the arm and placement of the head. At first, I always had trouble figuring out where to look or where to place my arms. But the consistent training allowed my body to develop muscle memory. I no longer had to think extensively about what my arms and head were doing. They just moved with my legs and everything started to feel natural. Now that dancing felt like second nature, I became more confident and even started to stand in the front of class!
Three years later, I received exciting news. I was promoted to be en pointe! This means that I was ready to switch out my flexible, canvas flat shoes for the coveted satin, solid pointe shoes. This is a huge milestone for every dancer, as it signifies the transition from a “little girl” to a “big girl”. To be en pointe, a dancer needs to have strong ankles and precise technique. I was so proud that my teachers thought I was ready. This promotion boosted my confidence and made me want to try harder every day.
Over the 6 years that I’ve been en pointe, I’ve danced my way through these 8 pairs of pointe shoes laid out on the floor.
At my first pointe class, we all lined up against the barre, facing the mirror. My teacher demonstrated proper technique and how we must point our toes really hard in order to get up all the way en pointe. We started with simple relevés – little rises to the tips of our toes – in order to warm up and strengthen our ankles. I felt shaky at first, as this was a feeling I’ve never experienced before. Throughout the next couple of weeks, we progressed from doing relevés and pas de bourrées at the barre to doing them in the center. We didn’t have the barre to hold onto and support us in the center – we had to rely on our own core and strength. I was still a little bit off balance and uneasy on my feet, but I felt more confident than I did when I first started.
After the first few pointe classes, however, the excitement started to wear down. Standing on the tips of my toes wasn’t as easy as I thought. First of all, it hurt. A lot. My toenails started bruising, I developed corns and callouses, and the blisters never seemed to stop. I didn’t understand how the professional dancers could do this every day! Second, I had flat feet. My feet don’t have arches and if I were to make a footprint, you would see an outline of my entire foot. I didn’t realize the importance of having high arches and flexible ankles until then. Having these things made it easier to point your feet fully and stand on your toes. Because I lacked these elements, I could barely make the platform of my shoe stay flat on the floor. This made it a hundred times harder to balance.
Imagine balancing your entire body weight on a 3-inch oval platform. Now imagine that platform isn’t flat on the floor, it’s sort of diagonal. That was me the majority of the time in pointe shoes. Naturally, this affected my technique, and everything seemed harder. I couldn’t balance as long, so I couldn’t do multiple pirouettes. Some girls can make 4 to 5 revolutions on one leg, while I could only do 2. Since pointe shoes are firm and rigid, sometimes it didn’t even LOOK like I was pointing my feet. My teachers would tell me to just “point my feet harder”, but I really couldn’t. That constant feeling of uneasiness drastically lowered my confidence. On top of that, my legs could only straighten to 180 degrees. This sounds natural right? Well, in ballet, many girls had hyperextended knees, which meant their legs could straighten over 180 degrees. The problem with my “normal” knees was that sometimes my legs appeared to be bent when I straightened them the hardest I could. I couldn’t get the beautiful lines that everyone desired.
I tried really hard to fix this problem of mine. My teachers told me I should use a flat resistance band to help stretch out my feet. Holding both ends of the band while sitting down, I stretched out my leg and placed the band around my foot. “Point and flex, point and flex,” they would say. I made myself do this every day before class. Though it didn’t change the shape or flexibility or my foot, it made my ankles stronger. This new strength allowed me to feel more stable on my feet, making me believe things would get better.
As the years went by, the girls in my level started getting better and longer roles for our performances. My friends started getting the big solos we’ve always dreamed of, while I got the roles that just needed to be filled. As a young dancer, everyone dreams of becoming the graceful Clara, the glorious Snow Queen, and the magnificent Sugar Plum Fairy. But no one aspires to be the Dancing Bear. Because my bad feet and knees didn’t allow me to be at the level of the other dancers, I got cast to be the Dancing Bear! While I was basically suffocating in a full-body bear costume, my younger sister was the Dancing Doll and my other friends were dressed in beautiful tutus.
After the first few pointe classes, however, the excitement started to wear down. Standing on the tips of my toes wasn’t as easy as I thought. First of all, it hurt. A lot. My toenails started bruising, I developed corns and callouses, and the blisters never seemed to stop. I didn’t understand how the professional dancers could do this every day! Second, I had flat feet. My feet don’t have arches and if I were to make a footprint, you would see an outline of my entire foot. I didn’t realize the importance of having high arches and flexible ankles until then. Having these things made it easier to point your feet fully and stand on your toes. Because I lacked these elements, I could barely make the platform of my shoe stay flat on the floor. This made it a hundred times harder to balance.
Imagine balancing your entire body weight on a 3-inch oval platform. Now imagine that platform isn’t flat on the floor, it’s sort of diagonal. That was me the majority of the time in pointe shoes. Naturally, this affected my technique, and everything seemed harder. I couldn’t balance as long, so I couldn’t do multiple pirouettes. Some girls can make 4 to 5 revolutions on one leg, while I could only do 2. Since pointe shoes are firm and rigid, sometimes it didn’t even LOOK like I was pointing my feet. My teachers would tell me to just “point my feet harder”, but I really couldn’t. That constant feeling of uneasiness drastically lowered my confidence. On top of that, my legs could only straighten to 180 degrees. This sounds natural right? Well, in ballet, many girls had hyperextended knees, which meant their legs could straighten over 180 degrees. The problem with my “normal” knees was that sometimes my legs appeared to be bent when I straightened them the hardest I could. I couldn’t get the beautiful lines that everyone desired.
I tried really hard to fix this problem of mine. My teachers told me I should use a flat resistance band to help stretch out my feet. Holding both ends of the band while sitting down, I stretched out my leg and placed the band around my foot. “Point and flex, point and flex,” they would say. I made myself do this every day before class. Though it didn’t change the shape or flexibility or my foot, it made my ankles stronger. This new strength allowed me to feel more stable on my feet, making me believe things would get better.
As the years went by, the girls in my level started getting better and longer roles for our performances. My friends started getting the big solos we’ve always dreamed of, while I got the roles that just needed to be filled. As a young dancer, everyone dreams of becoming the graceful Clara, the glorious Snow Queen, and the magnificent Sugar Plum Fairy. But no one aspires to be the Dancing Bear. Because my bad feet and knees didn’t allow me to be at the level of the other dancers, I got cast to be the Dancing Bear! While I was basically suffocating in a full-body bear costume, my younger sister was the Dancing Doll and my other friends were dressed in beautiful tutus.
Though it wasn’t The Nutcracker role I aspired for, I’m enjoying my mini-solo in an enthusiastic arabesque in a stuffy, full-body, brown bear costume.
This made me really disappointed, but I just had to suck it up. I knew I loved performing, and if this was the only way I could perform, I might as well give it my all. Although I was at a disadvantage because of body structures I couldn’t change, I still kept dancing. I still loved the feeling it gave me. It was my escape from reality. When I dance, I would forget about school, drama, or any unnecessary stress. I made myself focus on the movements and “escape” the confines of the costume.
I danced at the same studio until my senior year in high school. For my last Nutcracker, my teacher saw my struggles and dedication and granted me the role of the Midnight Fairy. It still wasn’t a main role, but it was a lot better than being the Dancing Bear. With a sparkly blue gown and a detailed headpiece, I felt beautiful as I arabesque-d onto the stage. It gave me the feeling that I’ve always dreamed of: the same feeling I knew Clara had. The music moved me, and I didn’t have to think about anything. I felt free and I loved it. I felt accomplished as a dancer.
I danced at the same studio until my senior year in high school. For my last Nutcracker, my teacher saw my struggles and dedication and granted me the role of the Midnight Fairy. It still wasn’t a main role, but it was a lot better than being the Dancing Bear. With a sparkly blue gown and a detailed headpiece, I felt beautiful as I arabesque-d onto the stage. It gave me the feeling that I’ve always dreamed of: the same feeling I knew Clara had. The music moved me, and I didn’t have to think about anything. I felt free and I loved it. I felt accomplished as a dancer.
For my last Nutcracker, I played the role of the Midnight Fairy, making the Christmas tree grow taller and taller as Clara watches on my right.
Reflecting about it today, dancing has affected me in more ways that I thought. Physically, it straightened up my posture and improved my core strength. It was a form of exercise and it helped me build endurance. I developed muscles in my legs and stretched to become more flexible. More importantly, it taught me to always try my best. I learned to be dedicated and focused. Through the hardships, I persevered because dancing is something I enjoyed doing. Even though there were circumstances I couldn’t change, I made the best of the situation and kept on pushing through. Although my confidence resembled a roller coaster, I believe I came out more confident than when I started. I’ve become more eager to be on stage in front of a crowd of people, and I think this helped me when it comes to public speaking. I’ve learned a lot of life lessons from ballet, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without dance.
Although I’m not performing anymore, I still enjoy dancing when I can. I’m currently enrolled in a ballet class right now in Davis. It feels so good to take a break from the rigorous courses of Organic Chemistry and Physics and lose myself in dance. I feel like myself again.
Although I’m not performing anymore, I still enjoy dancing when I can. I’m currently enrolled in a ballet class right now in Davis. It feels so good to take a break from the rigorous courses of Organic Chemistry and Physics and lose myself in dance. I feel like myself again.